How can you focus when you always have so many ideas, dreams and plans?

My thoughts jump from one topic to the next. I really want to find a plot of land to create a forest garden — a little nature paradise together with a multifunctional space — a “third room” where we can invite people to enjoy nature and reconnect with it. We have actually already found the space. But now it’s all about the buying process. Paperwork, price negotiations, finding dates … and so on. It drags on. I’m impatient, Mario too. We just want to get started, finally get our hands dirty, clean everything first and then build it one by one, make it beautiful. But as I said, we have to be patient.

I’m not bored. I do a lot and actually want to do so much more. Time is racing. I go for a walk in the garden behind the house, see what a disaster the snails have caused again today, eat a few strawberries that they have missed. All this “much” in my head is somehow an obstacle, making it difficult for me to focus, concentrate and organize — staying focused on one thing. Sitting at my laptop, I create my portfolio with which I want to search for jobs. Fortunately, I don’t need quite as much money here in the countryside in northern Greece, but the image editing jobs I currently have aren’t quite enough and the money I have saved is slowly dwindling. The property thing is dragging on, I can’t earn any money with the room, the garden or workshops at the moment.

As I sit there working on my portfolio, my mind wanders and many other thoughts come to mind. Topics I want to research on the Internet. The 27th tab in my browser opens. I notice it, click through the tabs, think about what I could close, but I haven’t finished reading or watching the videos and articles yet. I leave all the tabs open. Annoying. I want to tidy up, but can’t quite manage it. I want to organize and focus, but I can’t quite manage it either. I ask myself again and again. Jessi, what makes sense, what are the priorities? I have lists, tools like organizational programs that help me to organize myself at least a little. “Notion” is great, but so is “Trello”. But still, new thoughts and ideas pop up all the time and it’s difficult to make progress with a topic. Just like in this text. I have the feeling that I was just talking about something else and wanted to give more examples. This passage is so far up again that I now have other thoughts.

I open a new tool I’ve heard about. “Kumu”. You can use it to create system maps. Super interesting, I want to try it out. I already love mind maps. What are my skills and work tasks? Why I do these things? It helps me figuring out how to focus and specify better and how i may find fitting jobs. Yes, it’s definitely fun. At the same time, I ask myself how many platforms I’ve already signed up to and whether it’s not totally crazy and wasting my time. But I definitely enjoy it and I also think that I’m becoming clearer about myself and feel a bit more focused. I’ve gotten to know myself a bit better.

The result was that I want to heal the earth during my life on this planet. That people and nature live together healthily and harmoniously. A somewhat grand ambition perhaps, but I want to at least try to make a small contribution. I want to illuminate positive change and solutions that will make the world a little more healthy. On the one hand with the property mentioned above, our “Plu.Zine” project and with my visual storytelling skills. Incidentally, that’s also the reason why I wanted to start this blog. A channel where I can report on all these topics — and at the same time learn to improve my storytelling skills. To train and develop my writing. After discussing this with Mario, who thinks it’s a great idea and is bursting with ideas for texts, I’m researching which platform is the best for this blog. I recently discovered a great blog on Substack. “The Mycelium” by Tijn Tjoelker: https://tijntjoelker.substack.com/ The topics immediately appealed to me, as I only encountered many of them a few weeks ago at the “Eco-Systems for regenerative transition” training course. The way the blog is written, I immediately think that’s what I like. Illuminating and Storytelling.

It was just annoying that you couldn’t access everything for free because there’s a subscription system. It’s not that I don’t want to pay for good content — I’m happy when I earn something with my work, it’s just that I’m really looking for a job right now. Well, actually I was just stuck researching which platform to use. I read some info about the two platforms and then decided on Medium, which seems to be better for getting readers in the first place. Besides, I had already written something on Medium a few years ago and am somewhat familiar with it.

I created the profile, followed by a super enthusiastic high. Shortly afterwards, my mood was suddenly a little down… I don’t have a single article yet. Of course not, I’ve only just started the blog, that’s totally normal, what do you think Jessi. Yes, but as mentioned before, I do have a patience problem. My mind is racing, it was the same with the portfolio. While I’m doing it, I’m a bit stressed and overwhelmed at the beginning. How to start. After I got through the stressful initial phase, where I had a little crisis because I was disappointed that I couldn’t get the portfolio done within 2 days, came a work intensive flow and upward phase. During this positive phase, I found it hard to even think about taking a break. Then, the highest moment of my mood, the portfolio is finished and I am very happy with the result. I’m briefly sure that it has to happen now, I’ll find a job that suits me. This moment only lasted a very short time. After I sent out the first 10 emails with the portfolio, I had a complete low about who I should send it to and the uncomfortable feeling that maybe nothing will happen so quickly. I’m trying to reassure myself that I learned a lot about myself when I did the portfolio … but somehow it’s just a bit unsatisfying. I wish for more response, some kind of feedback or a new collaboration. And it’s like that all the time. An up and down of emotions.

So what is my learning?

The overload of information, being “online” all the time doesn’t help with focus, but I have found tools that help me with that — Notion, System Mapping on Kumu & Journaling in the morning. I’m finding more and more purpose in why I do things, so I have a greater need to keep at it and move forward. I am slowly accepting that things take time. Even in today’s fast-paced world.

Autor: Jessica Morfis